Thailand

Sometimes, while I’m coasting down the streets of Bangkok, riding pillion on a motorcycle pilot, I wonder how it might be to live here. The roads are seamless. The food is marvellous. The hoardings shamelessly advertise uplifts for the chin, discreet save-your-marriage, tucks for the tummy, and industrial strength teeth whitening – services that I would never publicly advocate but might privately subscribe to. The weather is lurid with heat – exactly like Bombay’s. And the locals try their best to make your trip a breeze. Sure, there is a dearth of museums and serious art galleries in Thailand but that’s perhaps because everyone is so geared to having a good time on the beach that they’d gladly give art hours to a boring trade town like Basel or to Randall Island, places no one really visits unless they have to.

The Metropolitan by Como is always home in Bangkok, a discreet jewel that has the meditative stillness of an oasis in a city otherwise rushing headlong into stifling heat. No stay at the Como is complete without digging in to the nosh at Nahm, their signature restaurant, Chef David Thomson’s spectacular Thai joint (he’s just opened another in Australia). Nahm, voted one of Asia’s 50 Best Restaurants, is a modern classic, holding its own with Per Se and Chez Panisse in the invention stakes. When in Bangkok, I also always visit the Hua Chiew Hospital for Traditional Chinese Medicine – their acupuncture, in particular, is a rare study of how ancient medical practices are preserved to appeal to the modern world (ask to see Dr. Lee, who is gentle, wise and perceptive) and the hospital has its own pharmacy for medication should there be a prescription. There are two fashion labels I always shop at – Greyhound, which has a distinctively modern Thai style; and Raw jeans, which will have everyone believing you’re from Williamsburg even if your stop on the train is Dahisar. Vesper is great for a drink or two and I enjoy the Italian fare at Opus – but really, you just want to be on the streets, with a bowl of fish soup in your hand.

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Design legend Paola Navone created the Como Point Yamu near Phuket, and her genius, like the veins of a lightning flash, illuminate this stellar hotel. Long, noble lines, a pool the size of at least two football fields, and endless views of the Andamans: when I come here it is to extricate myself from the troubled world. Now Phuket itself is utterly unremarkable: the beach is teeming with the sort of tourists who probably watch too much daytime television, the markets are busy and dirty (the occasional rogue hustler suggesting a threesome with your wife and you could rouse you out of tropical slumber), and the malls are flooded with floaty floral print dresses that magically morph into maternity gowns after one wash, which is why I spent most of my time at the hotel, ensconced in my room and then maybe a swim during a storm – the wind was so strong it sent two pool beds into the air, reaffirming the savage nature of the seasons. I loped out for a meal at the over the top insider’s fave Raya House (give it a miss) and then for a swim at the Indigo Pearl, a fine art listed property. Now the true test of luxury is how well you are looked after, at the Como in Phuket. I came down with a nasty cold. It’s at such fractured lonesome hours, away from home, that you realise that luxury is more than the experience of timeless design or the savouring of sapphire ocean scene from your room. The best hotels stand for old-fashioned values of consideration and decency into the DNA of a team expertly trained to respond to their guests. At the Como’s restaurant, the chef went out of his way to whip me up a delicious, hearty, spicy chicken soup; the resident nurse thoughtfully prepared a packet of pills that helped mend me before my departure for the Belmond’s Napasai property in Koh Samui.

Koh Samui airport is testament to Thai serenity and meticulous industry; it is so relaxed in term of its design and ambience that you can’t help but wonder why the Goa airport couldn’t have a similar model? For the uninitiated, the Goa airport now looks and feels like a bus stand in a town where gun related violence is par with everyday living and where passengers lie on the floor in their dhotis that inadvertently give a sneak peek at genitalia. Thankfully, no such visual notoriety at Samui airport, and from the minute I landed and was parcelled into the Belmond Napasai limo it was all smooth sailing. While the Belmond has some of the finest properties in Europe – I’d stay nowhere else but with them in Florence, for instance, at their magnificently restored monastery – their properties in Asia have still to catch up. Thankfully, their Koh Samui digs give you the complete island experience, with gorgeous villas, excellent waters for snorkelling, a superb menu (I’ve never had an off meal in Thailand), and exclusive access to a small strip of private beach. From here I checked out THINK, in Nathon, which reminded me of the wee bit dodgy joints along Ashwem beach and then dined at Chez Francois, justly celebrated as a standard bearer in culinary excellence. I also stayed at the new resort Keemala, which again is thankfully removed from main town Phuket and radiates private, sumptuous luxury. Views of the ocean or the neighbouring hillside will have you imagining what a wonderfully safe harbour Phuket might have once been – the cottages at Keemala are perfect for a honeymoon, or an illicit affair, each with little plunge pools and the best in-room dining I ever came across in all of Thailand (their Thai chef is astounding and my wait staff spoke to me in a puzzling American accent). It is a massive expanse of land which at times is confusing, but if you are like me, and too lazy by the end of a trip to do very much, you can simply stay in and listen to the stridulating of the crickets at dusk – although I did break from seclusion for drinks with Conor O’Leary, the gregarious GM of the Keemala. This property also has an excellent spa on the premises – with a terrific team of visiting practitioners - and as I was riding myself off of the fatigue with a massage I found myself thinking that Thailand would be perfect host for a world-class art fair or biennial. An incredible backdrop with its fabulous natural beauty, held together by its unmatched service and food, Thailand is an immaculate canvas for art to give locals and travellers troubling, important and handsome themes to think about at leisure.